take three

muntik nanaman ako mamatay
wala ka pa rin nun.

ohwell, anu pa nga ba...

we can do better than that

i just got shot (in the heart)

and he bugged me about his C paper.

say cheese!!!

really wilted

Entry # 2.4

And sometimes when I say that death has come, it is the truth.

And it is in your death that I knew you,

And before I owned you, I had already let go.

staying alive

Entry # 2

Remember him for it is only in memory that he can stay alive.

It took me two years to know him and how dead he was, but it only took me two weeks to forget him. It was not that I didn’t love him; it was just easier for me not to feel hurt by forgetting him. It was like forgetting a beautiful but tragic dream – so beautiful that it couldn’t have been real.

It seemed surreal that I could feel his heat. I knew there was something wrong – he was cold and hot at the same time. Yes, I forgot him, but not how he made me feel. His face, his laugh, his skin, I have forgotten, but not how I cursed under my breath when he was near.

Here I am writing his story. I cannot forget how I loved him.

guhit

ginuguhit mo ang katawan
ginuguhit ko ang mukha

ang pagguhit ay pagmamahal
-paghuli na hindi umaangkin

staying dead

Entry # 1

I knew early on that you loved listening to yourself talk, so I was surprised that I still liked you. I even love listening to you talk now, a habit that has grown on me, you have grown on me. Even when I realized you talked to cover up your insecurities, I loved you even more.

It was the fifth of May when I found you all alone, listening to the sounds of people laughing, prying with envious eyes. It never occurred to me that you were dead. You were so alive. Your eyes moved with such enthusiasm that I could have mistaken you for a child getting his first bicycle ride. You had such red cheeks that I shied away from you at first. But I couldn’t hide from you, nor resist you. You must know that by now because you constantly mistreat me. Anyways, it doesn’t matter now.

bula

i just feel so proud, we did it! It was all worth it (and more!!!!)
really couldn't write about it then, now i'm just happy it happened.






poster by mummy karen santos

















thank You po sa tulong! >_<

first week ng sembreak!

ACIL formsem = fun at food! sayang nga lagn kulang kami!
at nagkaroon ng sore eyes epidemic! nung last day namin, 3 na ang may sore eyes...
at since last night, mga 10 na ang meron samin out of 16 council members! 11 if isasama si bro atoy! phew, buti nlng nde ako tinamaan!

Koine in CCP: Waiting in the Wings. nag extra kami sa play ni direk: To Really Like Crying over Spilt Milk! SUPERduperFUN! nagkita ulet kami nung ibang koine actors. si ate eliza, ate lara, ate les, kenneth, darren at ozy! sabi pa ni tita yvonne tumaba ako. at syempre si direk!
Sad part lang ay nabalitaan namin na Sir Flavio Tinio died last tuesday. After nung play, pumunta kami sa burol niya. I only got to play Subtext with him once ata or twice if i'm not mistaken. Minsan lang din kami nagkita. But I could feel how he loved serving and theatre from Direk's stories of him. He even ventured to make the Nueva ecija VFT.



and that's the first week of my sembreak! sana wag ako magkasore eyes, at sana maging masaya ang aking sembreak!

PS: mataas philo finals ko! I'm crying tears of joy now! akala ko mababa ako >_<

first day na nakatunganga

ito ang unang araw in a long while na nagkaoras ako tumunganga!
at natapos ko na panuorin ung claymore!!! wow! astig! galing ni clare! >.<

bukas gagawa nanaman kami paper at mag aaral na ko for my two orals sa sabado!
sana hindi maging boring ang bakasyon! woohoo! party!

mauubos na ang hell weeks

waw!!!!!!!

malapit na matapos ang finals!!! T_T
pero syempre bago makarating ng finish line maraming kinailangan pagdaanan at mga pagdadaanan pa!

highlights!

15 page paper for pos116 na gnwa overnyt due thurs last week! pinagpasapasahan ako sa cityhall at sa hule ndi na ko umasa so sa internet nlng ako naghanap ng data ^^, pero reliable source naman!

another 15 page paper due friday for histo na gudlak nlng, nde ko p alam isusulat ko nung friday na un! kasi nde ko pa tapos basahin ung letters ni rizal kay pastells (na super biigat sa utak) at hindi ko alam panu ko ifeframe argument ko! e ang deadline nun ay 12 MIDNiGHT so may time pa. i did it during my break time and all night. natapos ko siya at exactly 11:58 pm!!! 'takte', grabeng stress.... paprint kami ni mummy at syempre punta kami sa kalibliban ng ateneo na tinatawag na LST para magpasa....nakapagpasa ako ng mga 12:20am
phew!!!! late pa rin...sana hindi naman masyado mapangitan si sir....in fairness feel ko hidni naman siya crap ^^,

dahil dun gusto ko magpasalamat kay mummy karen at kay RJ pernatz para sa kanyang pagiging tagapagtanggol namin sa mga mumu, kahit na malaki pa atraso niya sakin at sa mga dream girls!!!

O_< at syempre more papers! essay sa pos55 at final paper for pos116!

ang buhay polsci: nakakalunod sa papers!

but wait there's more! meron pa research paper due next monday! pero kaya na namin un! go dreamgirls + bodyguard! kahit na tayo ay pinagmalupitan at nagmumukha pang mga bitter, may prinsipyo lang tayo! >_< at mahal ko kayo! kaya natin toh! aja!

hay, onti na lang

matapos magrant tungkol sa grades:

puffy: ok, tama na GC mode
puffy: we have to focus on what is really imprtant
puffy: LOVE <3
mummy: ..........NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
mummy: WHAT IS LOVE WITHOUT GRADES?:

takteng pos130! sayang ang B+ na magsasave sa aking arms race!

it's raining on me too

don't you know i'm putting up this show for you?
and now you're sad.
and you won't tell me a thing.

i hope you'd smile.
i hope that you'd be happy,
just be happy,
please.

catch and release

catch a falling star,
watch it struggle against your hands
and finally
you release it;
else its light goes out.

i see you see me

"that in itself can be art, or it can be love...that is up to you"

the rain brings with it hope


and the winds blow over the billboards
the lights go down
and we open the windows
just so we could see
and feel each other through our eyes

may be if the people just kept silent,
i wouldn't have to see you
hearing you would have been enough.

rants

this is probably one of the busiest sems ever!

nag acil nstp sa umaga
then go to slum area late morning to survey people...punta kami from house to house!

then dun naman kami sa marikina, sa mga mayayamang tao kung saan may ibang snobs! inabot na kami ng gabi, mga 9pm! then nagtally kami ng results tapos kulang na kulang pa ang data. nakatulog kami mga 2 hours.

sa umaga, libot ulet ng community at nagbahay bahay para magpasurvey pa. mali mali pa sagot ng iba...hmph...cute pa naman ung nagsagot nung isa, tpos mali sagot nya...hmph! nakauwi ako hapon...tulog....gising...

ngaun paper naman kay erap!

bukas ulet. interview sa umaga...class, tally ng survey sheets sa hapon, analyze, interview, analyze. paper!

memories

astig, nagmessage sakin sa friendster ung super pinsan ng pinsan ko!
ung tipong tao na super nasa memory ng pagkabata ko, kasi kasama namin siya first time kami nag beach...nung unang beses ako nakakita ng shooting stars!

stig tlga!

tutubi

I wanna be a tutubi na walang tinatagong bato sa kanyang mga kamay,

hah!

na nahulog sa lupa tinuka ng manok na ____________!

fill in the blank

lagi na lang ako nadadapa

literally pare!

sakit ng tuhod ko.

therapy ang pagboblog.

the woman in red

Last Wednesday, this guy kept calling me the woman in red (or was it the girl in red?).

~~~
I feel so tired right now.
I'm done,
Yet everything is still a haze.
I'm not yet sure what i feel.

~~~

i don;t know, but he phrase "God bless America" is ringing in my ears.

~~~

bumili ako penoy, kakainin ko mamaya.
FIrst time ko kumain nun if ever...

~~~
nagtetext sakin kuya nung kid sa 'bula'
"kamusta na phoe kau mis paeng?"
pero in fairness cute sya....

~~~
Godbless America!?
shemay...un talaga pumapasok sa utak ko.
argghh...

wednesday morning

I woke up crying. I had a very bad dream where I was mostly angry and crying. And then I woke up.

yesterday we sort of finished bula.
Even though overkill na ang pagpunta ko kina pedro, super duper masaya naman! mejo nakakahiya lang din...hehe...
badtrip lang ung palm drive ayaw gumana. hmph!
But I got to **** ** ****
which was more than enough =p

Sana maging maayos ang araw na ito, no scary surprises, no bad dreams, and no no no technical difficulties! kundi mababaliw na tlga ako.

message to everyone

you under estimate doing what you do..that's your life for goodness sake....it's you.....it's the only thing you cant separate yourself from unless mabaliw ka.......if nde ka content sa gngwa mo...e d do something else....
love something other than yourself.....live for something......hope....

questions....(apparently not the last time)

tanong ko kay marv:

bkit black and white?
becoz it adds charm?
pero sometimes i wonder why we extract the colors in life
why we have to alter
edit
make perfect

marv: malay mo pumangit
paeng_160: bkit kelangan maganda?

this is the last time

She won't pretend if he'd ask her.
But it's too late not to pretend.
He said good bye then
Just in time when she was going to let him in.

lost in translation again

It's hard to translate feelings into words,
But I'll try
Just so you would understand.

It's easier when I put it into a melody,
or show them through my tears.
Though you might not get it still.

I'm learning to keep quiet
About things that really bother me.
It becomes harder,
knowing my words do not mean as much as I want them to.

may be another day

I almost saw the sun set today,
As i was riding the LRT,
on my way home.

But just as it was about to set, the buildings got taller and taller.

There are days when I cease to hope,
Because it doesn't seem to get me anywhere.
But at times when I get to see something beautiful,
like the sun setting
I find myself hoping again.

Pity I didn't see it set today.
Well,
Almost.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I solve problems and I think I'm really good at it.
I don't ask for help, because I don't want to owe anyone anything.
When I do ask for it,
it's when I know the one I'd ask won't expect anything in return,
or love me enough so that they don't care if offering a hand would mean going out of their way.

But I don't know how to solve this one.
And there's seems to be no one who could help me.

Now, I'm back at square one
Solving, adding, subtracting,
Rechecking my answer
Where did I go wrong?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm asking for help now
And I feel ashamed because I'm asking for your help when you don't love me enough to go out of your way

I'm sorry.

Humpty dumpty

He says:
I'm afraid I can't fix you now.

foolish girl
you shouldn't have let yourself fall,
you knew it would break you.

Or did you think I would catch you?

manong, dadaan po ba ng ligaya?

for weeks now i've been planning on posting an entry but i've never really had time nor the reason to actually post one. It's has been one big roller coaster these past few weeks and i don't even know how it all started. But now that i think about it, knowing that the hardest thing has come to pass, i feel happy. i realize it was fun despite the stress and all those challenges.

I'm up early to do my RRL for our group research due today. Wasn't able to do it last night cause pedro and i had to edit the film. super bait ng parents niya. nagulat nga ako kasi nde ko ineexpect na maramiing tao sa kanila. grabe ung hospitality nila! Some of the most heartwarming people i've met. tsaka sarap ng food nila ^^, And i was really happy kasi maganda resolution nung video nung nilipat sa pc. kaso mga more than 5 GB ata ung file size.

bukod pa dun nagcalligraphy lessons kami ni jo kahapon! (jo savior ka talaga!) i know how to write 'love' and 'hope' in jap! sort of. kahit na nde ako na-VG ng jap teacher. ahah...pero saya! kakatanggal stress.

tpos nung wed, nakikipagpatentero kami sa higad nina mummy at jo at jinno habang naghihintay na dumaan si gory na nde naman dumaan...and i just had to write that down so i won't forget it ^^,

Lundagin mo Beybe!

The past days caught me off guard. I'm tired beyond reason, by that I mean: I'm tired and I don't know why. I'm posting just because I have this urge to tell, just anyone who might be passing by this site (probably lost or clicked a link or whatever). I just wanted to shout out to the world that I shall jump! whatever that means! sa philo 101 un, na sabi ni Fr. Ferriols, lundagin mo beybe! Meaning, danasin mo. At feel ko nanonood lang ako sa buhay ko habang dumadaan siya.... oh well, (emo post ba ito?!) tsaka feel ko wala na ko napanghahawakan. para akong lumilipad, like i'm flying Jack, I'm flying!!! mwahahaha!! bangag na ko.... weird O_o

prrttt....!!! peace sa lahat!!!

so what do you want

the flowers you gave me are not yet wilting,
i'm starting to think they're not real.

the distant kind of lonely

there are two kinds of loneliness,
one which seeks comfort in the company of others, or of God
the other seeps through every conversation, every word, every action,
that in the end it feels like it will never end
It's the kind of loneliness one feels when he won't let God comfort him,

he just runs.

lost in translation

madalas,
lalo na pag hindi mo maintindihan ang mga binibigkas ng bibig
mas madali dumama.

O Hesus Hilumin Mo
-Bukas Palad

KORO:
O Hesus, hilumin Mo
Aking sugatang puso
Nang aking mahango
Kapwa kong kasimbigo

Hapis at pait Iyong patamisin
At hagkan ang sakit
Nang magningas ang rikit (KORO)

Aking sugatang diwa't katawan
Ay gawing daan
Ng 'Yong kaligtasan (KORO)



~
magpapasukan nanaman.
hindi pa ko handa.

sangkatutak na readings,
mahabang pila sa xeroxan,
at butas na bulsa!

changing lanes and tooth aches

You know why long distance relationships don't work? Cause people can't wait... they want immediate gratification! Just like when you drive and change lanes just because the cars in the other lane moves faster, in the end finding yourself even more jammed in traffic. It's human nature really. But there is always a choice. Waiting is a choice.

Then we think about what if's

Then we learn about forgiveness, abandoning hope that things could've been different, grateful that things are the way they are, understanding that what is, is what should be. Finally we let go of the past.

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

In less than 2 months i underwent 2 operations: my knee, and now, two of my molars (make that 3 if you consider each tooth as two separate operation). Apparently there is no more space in my mouth for them to grow. thankfully, my jaw did not swell badly, it looks normal really. I only ate yogurt and ice cream yesterday because i couldn't chew anything, really good post operation food!

INVENIO

Watch Invenio. May 26 at SM Megamall, Cinema 9!
See Koine Scholars perform for you with much heart and talent!
It's a show you wouldn't want to miss!
See you there!

For more information go to http://amazingkoineshows.com/

hoping i made the right decision

it's like picking the right pen that would give you luck in your next exam...somehow the thickness of the ink, the smoothness of the ballpoint on the paper, and even how comfortable it moves with your hands that it just makes you think a little better...

the little things ^^,

regrets

erased.

it's just bugging me...
why? coz im tired of words that never seem to get things right.
haha!

wishing i never said some of the things i said
>_<

100th post, and i walk again

nakakalakad na ko, with a limp though....pero ok na rin.
bukas first time ko magcocommute muli na mag isa...exciting!

ngayon nlng ako nagpost kasi angdami ko inayos, finals plus paper.
napagod ako. angdami kong oras, kaso nagcram pa rin ako, panu ba naman kasi ay nakakatamad, feel ko bakasyon na, tpos sabi pa ng mga tao, wag mo na isipin ung finals, pagaling ka muna, e d sinunod ko naman...nagcram tuloy ako.

mga nakakatawang nangyari:

a polsci teacher: "a ikaw pala yun, akala ko myth ka lang...pero diba, the trauma!"

karamihan ng gurad sa lrt: "miss ok ka lang/o ano nangyari jan?"

mga tambay/tricycle driver: "miss buhatin nalang kita"

si mama: "kumapit ka, nakakauntog!"; "AY BALIBAGO!"

ang pinsan kong Qt: "*t*tin akong bata!" mamimiss kita! <<
~.~
anghirap ng pos53 finals!
~.~
sori sa mga inaway ko at pinagtampuhan ko, ibig sabihin lang nun, you're important.
~.~
mag miminor ba ko sa lit or philo? creative writing?
dami pa kelangan gawin...hay...
bakasyon na!

disease

"kumbaga I'm cured from you"

as if I'm a disease...

well, I'm happy for you,

You'll be able to live your life as you should

and for me,

You'll finally stop blaming me for your sadness...

mysteries

nalabhan ko USB thumb driev ni ate....ain't that nice?

ayaw ko na magblog...napapagod na ko...hay...
ayaw ko na mag isip.
at syempre naiinis ako kasi bakit feel ko lost ako, ung iba hindi...
although I know that's not true...

At syempre si ******, talking about allegories, just seems to enjoy writing in his blogs...and his entries mystify me.... and it's scary in a sense...
Perhaps because his words says too much yet so little.

I love solving puzzles, but I can't seem to solve his... but I think I'm on the right track...hmm...

but some puzzles don't have answers, they remain as mysteries.

Just when I find myself, I get lost again...

I have a dilemma and direQ (with a Q) told me something that really confuses me now: "sometimes, the best thing you can do for someone is to fail him/her..."
and if I do that, people will probably hate me...but somehow i think it's the right thing to do so that she'd know her actions have consequences and that she can't have her way all the time.

may be I can just scare her....wadyathink?

~~~
I lost my wallet...and I practiced losing it three times!
beat that!
Ask kuya Benjie, he witnessed it all!

~~~
I didn't know my psych test is tomorrow and that think-piece on agamben is on thurs >>> wake up call: I'm becoming too lax with my studies...
have to concentrate! have to concentrate! have to concentrate!

~~~
I have a 30 MINUTE ORALS on POS61!!!
Imagine 30minutes of talking with sir RC???
I wonder what we're gonna talk about....hmm....gays and lesbians???
may be...

Well I like sir RC, it's just that...30 minutes???!!! With about 30 students, how'd he do it? What would I say? It's really scary...(???)

~~~
I have many assignments for our band theory class in Koine, I really hope I can do everything properly. I have to manage my time well!

~~~
napanuod ko na dream girls kagabi, ang ganda ng mga kanta...ewan ko lng kung naappreciate nung kasama ko...hmp :p

i envy them...

because they have a father now...
I still don't

the resurrection

grabe, kagabi ko pa dinadasalan itong PC ko, PC tlga ito ni Ate roan pero share na rin rin kami! grabe magagalit sakin un if ever!!! e kasi ung speaker tinanggal ko kasi gnamit ko for another purpose...tpos nung binalik ko siya...nag-autoshutdown/restart siya....basta nagbreak down siya! waaa....at ayaw na niya magboot!!!

gusto ko lng itake ang opportunity na ito para pasalamatan ang mga dumamay sakin sa madilim na panahon ng aking buhay, at ng PC na ginagamit ko ngayon!

kay Rod na tumawag pa gamit ang celphone niya kasi may 'emergency' ako.
kay Kris na nagsabi sakin na safemode at restore ko ang settings ng pc ko
kay Gremon na kinulit ko lng naman at nagsabi na kelangan ko ng boot CD
Kay Pam na nagbigay sakin ng number ni gremon at chineck pa kung nagkausap na kami
kay bi na wala tlgang alam...bwahaha
Kay nico na najan palagi para dumamay
Kay nikkolo na ever technology boy at nag offline msg pa sakin
Kay Reniel na nakasolve ng mystery.
voila! nabuhay siya ulet!!!

kung makikita niyo...mejo desperado na ko kaya angdami kong kinontak...kasi lagot tlga ako kay ate!

sana hindi na naimbento ang computers...bwahahaha!!!

~~~
nananaginip lng ba ko kagabi...kung hindi, sabihin mo lang ha! ^^,

~~~
ay...wag nlng pala...hindi ko pa kaya kung totoo nga...

sacrifices we make

We had the Koine audition for the scholars this morning! I was supposed to have my orals today, but I asked maam cuyegkeng if she can give it to me earlier so i can attend the screening! I got a decent grade given the fact that I wasn't able to study well (super impulsive decision!), and it was worth it! Kasama ako sa nagscreen ng scholars sa music track! At nakakatuwa! It was like forming an intimate relationship with someone, only it's actually with a mission. Plus nakapagbond kami ni ate Caye. Kakatuwa lng.

In the afternoon, we had our last SAN MATS Teaching session and Formation session. kakapagod kasi angkulet ng mga kids, pero in the end, superfulfilling naman lalo na when they kiss me in the cheek. kaso im officially broke...negative pa nga...may utang pa ko.

After nun, nagFS kami sa Pizza hut! oh dba! free food! pero galing san mats fund un, kaya this coming sem, we have to raise more funds to replace what we had spent this year. nakapagbond kami kahit oonti lng kami! tpos angkulet ni kuya ayanken! actually lahat ng kasama ko dun makulet! sana mas madami kami sa san mats next year...

~~~
pero syempre naGGC ako, kasi i could've done better (ang ganda ng jump ko!)
but in the end, im happy!

my biggest fear now: I might fail those whom I love, including myself.

PS: hindi siya #%^$*&^...probably meant goodbye.

half asleep

I couldn't remember the phone ringing,
nor me picking it up.
I was already asleep,
you woke me up.

I just remember me asking you who you are:
I have forgotten your voice.
You know my memory is not good.
and yet I miss you.

Now I hope not to forget,
and yet I need to forget,
just as you did.

man on a mission

he walked always with a goal,
even when we're out on a walk,
he seemed to be going somewhere,
with me strolling beside him.

sometimes i just wished he'd stop,
and stay.

perhaps it was because he never had the chance to stop before,
there was always something that had to be done.
and now it became his habit: making things happen.

he called my name and i was crushed.
he was looking at me then.
he stopped.
I listened.

man on a mission,
rest with me tonight.

yen's birthday

we celebrated yen's bday at Cantina's last friday just before the ACIL delibs for exec sec! saya super!

here are a few pictures i stole from jerry and karen's multiply!
^^,



ang birthday girl!!!

go spartans!!!

nanalo kami sa basketball game namin sa PE!!!
super saya! i love my team! go spartans! syempre nde naman tlga ako magaling pero super nag enjoy ako! masarap kasama mga kateam ko!























CONGRATS MAR, orsem buddy ko at mini me at MVP namin!!!! woohoo!!!

salamat kay mar at karen for making this a memorable experience!
at kay coach cha, yen, cess, aiu at coach karl at sa lahat ng sumigaw at nagcheer sa amin!!!
thanx Lord (you, not us)

to a song i loved but never really related to, at least i thought so....i was wrong ^^,

OO
by updharmadown

Di mo lang alam naiisip kita
Baka sakali lang maisip mo ako
Di mo lang alam hanggang sa gabi
Inaasam makita kang muli

Nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang
Panahon at ngayon ako’y iyong iniwan
luhaang sugatan di mapakinabangan
sana’y nagtanong ka lang kung di mo lang alam
sana’y nagtanong ka lang kung di mo lang alam

Ako’y iyong nasaktan
baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Hindi mo lang alam kay tagal nang panahon
Ako’y nandirito pa rin hanggang ngayon para sa’yo

Lumipas mga araw na ubod ng saya
Di pa rin nagbabago ang aking pag sinta
Kung ako’y nagkasala, patawad na sana
Puso kong pagal ng ngayon lang nagmahal

Di mo lang alam ako’y iyong nasaktan
Na baka sakali lang maisip mo namang
Puro s’ya na lang at sana’y ako naman!
Di mo lang alam ika’y minamasdan
Sana’y iyong mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam

Di mo lang alam

Kahit na tayo’y magkaibigan lang
Bumabalik ang lahat sa tuwing nagkukulitan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo namang
Ako’y nandito lang hindi mo lang alam

Matalino ka naman

Kung ikaw at ako ay tunay na bigo
Sa laro na ito ay dapat bang sumuko
Sana di ka na lang pala aking nakilala
Kung alam ko lang ako’y iyong masasaktan ng ganito
Sana’y nakinig na lang ako sa nanay ko

Di mo lang alam ako’y iyong nasaktan
Na baka sakali lang maisip mo namang
Puro s’ya nalang at sana ako naman
Di mo lang alam ika’y minamadsan
Sana’y iyong mamalayan hindi mo lang pala alam

Malas mo ikaw ang natipuhan ko

Di mo lang alam akoy iyong nasaktan

wala lng ^^,

waaa....nag-eliminations kami kanina sa basketball!
woohoo nakashoot ako!!!!!! isa.
ngayon ko lang narealize, marunong na pala ako magbasketball!
nakakatuwa naman kasi nakapagbonding kami ng mga kateam ko ^^,

nakilala ko na rin pala si one true love ni krisel! woohoo...!!!

matapos nun, nagmcdo kami nina karen, mar at cha, tpos sumunod si jake at syempre super saya!!! mahal ko tlga i1!

at syempre, masaya ako dahil sa taong nagsabing "u make me smile just by smiling".

~~~
PS: napanuod ko na pala pursuit of happyness!!! HUWAW! ang ganda! As in! kasama ko si nicosai at super saya kasi matagal na rin kami hindi nagbobond!!!

solitaire

the past few days, schoolwork has been piling up, and i'm growing this bad habit of playing solitaire when i should be doing my assignment. I just find it hard to focus on anything else most of the time. Plus I keep on making a bet with myself and every time I lose, I just can't accept it and so I play again.

yes, i'm addicted to playing solitaire. I'm officially a geek.

Well, as I was playing I started theorizing on love and solitaire....(I told you i'm a geek!) Dahil bangag ako ngayon, isheshare ko nlng ang teorya ko:

loving is like playing solitaire
~some games are not 'winnable' >>> may ibang guys na simula't sapul, alam mong hindi kayo tugma
~you play both by chance and by strategy >>> walk the path with faith and reason
~past decisions affect the end of the game >>> everything is connected, the past, present and future in a single moment (auguries of innocence)
~sometimes you almost win but don't because of one missing card that you just can't get >>> hindi meant to be

pero syempre joke lang yan lahat kasi bangag nga ako....

sige na..
gudnyt
Godbless!

sad songs - by matt nathanson

I'm waiting up for you to rescue me,
To come around and cover everything,
Relying on my best memories
To breathe for me, breathe for me

So much better than all of this, all of this

I'm tired of singing all the sad songs in my head
But I can't find enough of anything to drown out what you said
And sometimes I find I catch my self letting you back in
And I'm so tired of singing all these sad songs in my head

'Cause I can still smell summer on your skin,
And I can still remember giving in
Wrapped all up in your hips, and in your sheets
Felt great falling, great falling

So much better than all of this, all of this

I'm tired of singing all the sad songs in my head,
But I can't find enough of anything to drown out what you said
And sometimes I find I catch myself letting you back in
And I'm so tired of singing all sad songs in my head

I feel so faded, so far gone
That nothing surprises me anymore

I feel so faded, so far gone
Nothing surprises me anymore

Not much better now, now

I'm tired of singing all the sad songs in my head
But I can't find enough of anything to drown out what you said
And sometimes I find I catch myself letting you back in
And I'm so tired of singing all the sad songs in my head

The sad songs in my head

I'm so tired

for a very beautiful song...

...that makes me want to be alive

Your Song
Elton John


It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show
I know it's not much but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross
But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

Thanx to direk and marvin for loving this song

if you're gonna love me, don't love me half way...

muntik na ko mamatay kanina, and ironically, life didn't seem to get brighter after my life-death experience. It was just more confusing. it was sort of funny, i could've died a brutal death. the sad thing was, I was alone.

now, i feel like it doesn't matter anymore, like I could just go, and that it might even be better...joke...haha...
(or baka paranoid lang ako and i'm making a big deal out of this...then again sobrang nakakatakot tlga iyon)

wala naman akong death wish, medyo nakakapagod lang ang araw na ito...
but i also learned a lot of things today:
1. I can be SO irresponsible at times
2. I still have good friends who truly care....thanx jake and dorz for being there when no one was.
3. Grades do matter to me...especially when i know i could've gotten higher >>>pero hindi naman ako uber GC)
4. I love my mom so much >>> alam ko na toh...mas nainternalize ko lng today.
5. I am a very insecure person
6. I'm desperately yearning for a hero or someone who'd just save me from everything i fear >>> dear Lord, let Your love be enough...
7. I miss so many people.
8. Life is just full of surprises!!!
9. Death is uncertain.
10. I am mortal >>> I'm not invincible after all...

in a way i was also thankful, cause i was able to cry my heart out...
I've been trying to get a lot of emotions out of my system lately, and because of what happened, everything just gushed out.

PS: nagtetext sakin ung guard kanina sa LRT, gusto makipagkaibgan...buti pa siya nag-aalala sa kapakanan ko, kaso pinapaalala niya sakin ung nangyari...ahaha...ohwell...^^,

Teka

Kailangan ko pa ng panahon.

Patak, patak,
Pumapatak...
Umuulan.
Unti-unting bumabaha.

Ang nanuyong mga sanga,
Nasasabik uminom.

Nasamid. Nalunod.
Hindi na ngayon makahinga.

Teka, teka. Dahan-dahan.
bigyan pa ng kaunting panahon.
Kapag mejo humina na ang patak.

<<< crosses my finger

I can still smell you...
and so i feel like you're just beside me.
I can still hear your voice singing.

don't give me too much attention,
I might mistake it for something else.

I'm waiting,
waiting for that sound,
hoping it'd be you...

spring awakening

i'm currently listening to 'spring awakening' OST! it's really nice! it's the best Broadway musical of the year but the tracks are mostly rock songs so no hight pitched opera singer here, much like pop rock and alternative meets a tinge of emo...probably cause the music was by duncan sheik, which means many of the songs are quite sad and emotional.

the story revolves around adolescence and the passion and pains we teenagers undergo. it's all about "teenage discovery"

mejo parang rent siya, pero may certain flavor siya na iba eh, parang....parang mas malakas ung feelings of repression niya kasi unlike rent na liberated at mas may voice given the context of the story, dito may silence sa likod ng kanta....ewan...baka guniguni ko lng un. weird nga eh, kasi rock songs were used in a story situated in a time when rock n roll didn't exist yet, yet still tama lng naman, kasi the characters in the story shouts! may rebellion na nagpaparallel sa kanta....

wala lng...gusto ko lng ishare...
feel ko critic ako...ahahha

late pa rin!?

ang aga ko nagising! SUPER!!!!!!!!! as in abnormal para sakin!
kasi kapag may pasok...umaalis na dapat ako ng 6am, pero sa katotohanan nasa kama pa ako nun...gumugulong at naghahanap ng masarap na pwesto...

pero Ngayon! 4am gising na ko!!!!!!! waaaa.....kasi....may gusto akong puntahan...at subconsciously nagising ako ng maaga para makapunta dun....
pero nde na ko makakapunta...kasi late pa rin ako para dun...kala ko 530am, 5am pala ang alis...(wuhuhuhu!!!) magnanational museum nlng ako...kaso gusto ko rin magsanmats...kakatamad magmuseum! tsaka miss ko na kids namin! hay...pero sa totoo lng, ang pinakakailangan ko tlga gawin ung museum, kaso kakatamad tlga...so sad.

Save as

William Blake - Auguries of Innocence

To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.

A robin redbreast in a cage
Puts all Heaven in a rage.
A dove house fill'd with doves and pigeons
Shudders Hell thro' all its regions.
A dog starv'd at his master's gate
Predicts the ruin of the state...

broken

i hate it when people expect me to save them...
i'm broken too... masama bang ako naman ang maghanap ng sasagip sakin?

ely mode! bwahahaha T_T

i'm not your savior... even if i wanted to save you, i couldn't,
i could only help you save yourself.
you expect so much from me i feel like i'm going to break even more...
stop breaking me

maglalaro nlng ako solitaire

to cut or not to cut

may papanuorin kami bukas ni marvs at nakabili na siya ng tickets...
kaso may make up class kami bukas ng 6-9pm...

to cut or not to cut...???? >_<

hopes that closing time would not come

they ride in this car,
she recalls what just happened...
she smiles
morning will not wake her up

She'd sleep in public places
hoping to catch as much sleep as she can
so she could stay awake for that moment.

and so as she sleep after tonight
her dream she hopes would not change by dawn
it would be played over and over
as she lives.

she hopes that closing time would not come

I juts regained my dignity...!!! bwahaha....pero syempre hindi dapat mahalaga un...jokjokjok lng...paranoid ako eh....at obviuosly malabo rin ako

~~~
tonight's our last show (>_<,) and I am so happy!!!!!!!!!

but im really sad at the same time...the people there have been great and they all are really good people. doing it became so meaningful. we were a fellowship more than a cast. And of course no one can put this all together but the kindhearted and selfless direk who never gets tired of helping others. I pray that people appreciate what he is doing and join the mission: it has been a fulfilling and meaningful mission, but nonetheless it is a very hard mission, if not the hardest one. To be able to ultimately succeed, we need more people serving and following Christ.

Somehow I am not sure if I could offer my whole self, but I hope to try. It would take so much effort for I could be so weak, selfish and materialistic at times.
we can do this!

~~~
ang saya saya! I have a cd of DC Talk which direk gave to me just earlier! I feel so privileged! I thought that I was afraid before, but now I realize I respect and idolize him more than anything else. He lives in Christ and that makes him one of the best disciples I know.
ps. and he also gave me a copy of matt nathanson....at angganda ng mga kanta! waaa...

ppppprrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrttttttttttttttthhhhhhhh............

kinakabahan ako!

un lng

bow

.

wala lng...

happy valentine's day!
masaya ako kasi masaya naman ang araw kahit hindi gaanong exciting! may mga nalaman ako...pero mejo malabo pa sila...
tpos ininvite ako ni direk magvolunteer para sa band theory sa summer!!! ASTEEGG!!!


at prayer ko na sana wag mangyari ung kinakatakutan ko...hay...
Godbless palagi!

linggo ng pagbabago

there's a lot of things that happened to this week!
time just seems to fly and takes me by surprise... I feel lucky and blessed because of so many things:
1. I'm officially head over heels in love with Koine, not that I wasn't before, it's just that when I'm alone I can't help but think of ways to give more of myself to the mission, and when I'm with my friends I can't stop talking about how kind and selfless direk is. I hope this love sustains me and my body... and I hope my inhibitions do not overpower me.
2. I got in the Acil council which is both scary and exciting at the same time. I'm still having doubts if I deserve it, I hope I do. And I really hope that I do this well, it's really important for me. And I really hope to give my heart to this...Lord help me!!!
3. I passed Spanish supertest...which I really thought I would fail, and surprisingly, I got a good grade...^^,
4. I got a b+/a for my orals in POS61=RC. can I just say that this is SO COOL! tnxtnxtnxtnx po talaga!
5. Friends and family family! Nagchat kami ni ate ruselle nung nakaraang araw. At i was able to chat with old friends, at nakakatuwa talaga!
6. Direk gave me a cd of Matt nathanson and I love his songs

things that are not quite good but nonetheless are part of my life
1. theo test....fate=faith?
2. One of my best friends will undergo an operation.
3. CD burner is not working
4. My friends might make the same mistake I made before, hope they don't... hope I'm wrong...
5. may gf na ata pseudocrush ko....hmph...
6. Some of my closest friends can't watch my play...for certain reasons...T_T
7. nde pa rin kami nagkikita ni nicosai, at may sakit ata sya ngaun.
8. nag away si kris at reniel.

Hay...all in all, masaya naman ang buhay.... I feel like my life is meaningful, especially because of Koine and Acil and the people who trust me.

~~~
Now I pray that everyone gets to be loved and trusted...
not just because it's valentine's, but because we are created because and for love.

Happy Valentine's day! < advance >

ps: sana gumaling si nicosai at makapanuod siya

nakakaewan

ang tagal nating nag-usap, nahinog na tuloy ung manggang hilaw ko!

bwahahah! nde naman tlga...nakakatuwa lang isipin

>_< <<< crosses my fingers so that you all would come!

barya

tapos na ang first week ng play namin!
at super napapagod ako....pero never have i been so fulfilled, knowing why i am doing this.
The people there pushes me to be more, serve more.
I'm pulled so strongly by Koine's mission that I keep thinking this is what I want to do.
Direk's trust helped me trust myself.
And thanx to kuya Mark's advice I keep telling myself: "Not me, but You!", trying to make sure my selfishness would not get in the way.

Puno lang ako ng gratitude ngayon. I feel so blessed just by being part of this and being able to help in any small way that i could.

~~~
hinawaan ata ako ni burn ng sipon...
sana maging successful po ulet kami this week, for You Lord, not for us.
~~~
masunget si marvin...kakagising lang...

never have i been so in love with life and humanity

i want to immortalize this moment when i know for certain that i have done something greater than myself. Nothing beats that feeling when you're just so tired that you can sleep standing in the lrt or in a bug infested bus, yet still know that you'd never get tired of being tired for those you love.


this feeling rarely comes...and i'm utterly helpless because of it...
i surrender completely.

salamat

our hardships paid off!!! salamat kay kuya Jesus! siya ang inspirasyon namin!

~~~
there's this person i admire so much that he makes me want to be a better person, to strive more for the people i love! He lives as Jesus had and it has been a great struggle for him! nonetheless, his love has not wavered! He lives to serve and not to be served. He could have so much, but would rather have less if having less would let him focus on what he really values: fellowship and love.

i hope more people would be like him.

~~~
i thank him for he trusts me, just as God has trusted me with His mission of love. Lord help me be worthy of that trust!

where is my lite alternative? T____T

they changed klite to heart1035...and they !$@%#@!
sorry tlga...pero klite just keeps me sane when i'm late for school or sleeping late or cramming for a project or when i'm dressing up for an event. now klite is gone!

heart1035 is just a combination of jam, magic, and wave and it's a bad mix.
klite was one of a kind! arggghhh!!! no other station plays quality old school stuff!

PLEASE BRING KLITE BACK!!!

bakasyon!!!!!!

I'm so tired and I just want to sleep and dream or whatever...
just have nothing to worry about.

sana bakasyon na!!!!!!!!!!!!

sleeping to dream about you

you were never there,
but i saw you today.

thank you for smiling.

~~~
i'm just dreaming....

back to reality....
hahahay...

ps: sabi ni sir den sa psych101, normal ang behavior na ganito...
ahahaha...hindi ako weird

i know that when i rest my head against my pillow,
i'd fall asleep immediately...

i just don't want to sleep yet...
this is one of the days i don't want to let go of...

...for no reason at all

barya lang po sa umaga

watch 'barya lang po sa umaga" alongside 'old apologies' and the 'misspelling of miss gem'!!!
a production from Koine Theater Foundation
showdates are feb 9, 10, 16, 17 ^^,
P200 , Maryhill School of Theology
Gilmore St. cor 14th St. (past Christ the King)

txt me for reservations!
nuod kayo, maganda toh! and it's for a good cause!
Proceeds will help build a school for talented scholars!

guessing is falling

I keep telling myself to stop
Just let the leaf fall
On its own time
After he pushes you.

No way to be sure,
Never would be sure.
You guess.

When you feel most of the weight,
Don't jump,
Fall.
Just fall.

You gain speed,
And you embrace it,
So much so that you're beaten
By that which keeps you from crashing.

You don't really know,
Never would know,
No self-affirmation
You guess.

You forget how to listen,
Listen to silence,
Silence your thoughts,
Let him sing for you.

Time closes in on you.
What do you do?
You guess.

You wonder if there are no shadows,
Or if you just can't see them,
For nothing's near, nothing's far.

How'd you know how to move?
What to say?
What to look for?
And why?

You fall.
Just fall.

pangangatwiran

i can fix this.
i think.

i made a big mistake...

i'm strong enough to survive.
i've done it before.

i should have thought things through...

i did what i knew was right

there was another way...

there was no other way.

i failed...

no regrets.

i failed in losing you...
now i'm losing everything

i have to lose!

just like...

...a splendid love song!


sa wakas meron na ko nito!

telepono

telepono
sugarfree

Natatandaan mo ba kagabi
Apat na oras tayong nagbabad sa telepono
Inabutan na tayo ng umaga no'n
Ngunit bakit ngayon, malamig ka bigla
Magdamag na sa tabi mo, wala man lang "hello"

Hello, hello, hello
Naririnig mo pa ba ako?
Kung wala na tayo sa telepono
'Pag nandito na tayo sa tunay na mundo
Hello, 'di na kita naiintindihan
Malabo na ba ang linya sa ating dalawa
Hello, gising ka pa kaya?
Hello, nahihilo na ako sa 'yo

Tuwing gabi 'pag nagriring ang telepono
Ikaw ang naiisip ko
Tumawag ka, tumawag ka
O, please tumawag ka naman
Dahil kailangan lang marinig ang boses mo

O, ngayong gabi, managinip
Managinip ulit tayo sa sarili nating mundo

binili ako ni mama telepono, (iyong may tatak tlga...
hindi yung sa tiangge).
nasira kasi yung phone ko sa kwarto na binigay sa kin ni ate.
masaya ako. kaso nde ko na ata magagamit iyon masyado.
maghahanap ako kaphonepal! jok!

nahawa ako sa kaniya

nawawala ako!!!!
waaaaaaaaaaa.................

tpos nawala cellphone ng dalawa kong closest friends!
hindi pa natuloy ung balak ko this weekend....sayang!
oh well! pero masaya pa rin naman!
ung kids namin sa san mats kahit makulet mapagmahal naman!
super hyper nila!
sabi pa ni kuya machoo, simulan namin sa laro na nakakapagod, para pag discussion na hindi na sila masyadong hyper kasi pagod na sila. ahahah! try ko next time! papatalunin ko sila 30x or sumthing. ay ewan.
gusto ko ulet maging bata!

tsaka 1st ko kanina maglunch sa som mall...la lng...may blue lemonade dun

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~
random thoughts:
sana pala gumaling na si kris!
hindi natuloy ang pyro olympics lakad namin ni marv...nadisappoint ako!
libre un eh.
sana maging friends pa kami ni nana
kelangan makipagbond kay denise at flores
may nakapost sa pintuan ng kwarto ng pamangkin ko: "bawal ang panget dito!" (bakit feeling ko para sa kin yun?)

edit: tinago ni Kris G ang cel ni Marv kaya hindi pala nawawala
at epal tlga ako!

nahawa ako sa kanya...badtrip!

mango juice

I'm drinking genuine mango shake! (iyung purong mangga! walang asukal o kung anuman!)
panahon na ng mangga! bwahahah!

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~__~_~_~__~_~

I hate Januaries! nakakanostalgia.
Usually the knowledge that the new year has come just sinks in when february comes.
January is just a dreadful month when I'd have to go to school again, and I would have to leave security behind. I miss 2006. If I could go back, I would.

But perhaps, come january 2008 I'd feel exactly the same about 2007. I don't know.
I just hate time especially because it doesn't seem to agree with me, hence I'm always late in all my classes! And somehow I feel like time is taking away my past.

I don't want to forget. I hate forgetful people (like me). A memory forgotten is a friend abandoned.
When friends forget how close they were, they lose against time and let it put a distance between them. Time never gives me enough chance to appreciate.

Just pause to that scene when they first met, or when they first laughed together.

PS: come february I'll forget my nostalgia and look forward. Give me this time to rant on about losing 2006 and the chances that went with her.

no regrets? no regrets!

ang sarap ng mangga!
oh and seasons come and go nga naman.
time also brings hope and lots of memories to store!